Why the kids unconscionably root for winners

A big part of my day is getting 15-17 year old urban black males to shut up about whether Kobe Bryant is a "better" basketball player than LeBron James, or whether (insert any athlethe/sports franchise of your choosing) is better than (do it again) — ad nauseum.

Usually, I'll opt for the, "you are arguing a vague, ultimately unanswerable question, and neither of you are actually trying to convince the other to adopt your point-of-view... so just stop, you're bothering me" approach. The kids appease my request due to my "cool teacher" status (which was attained by not enforcing many, if not most, school rules). However, I took a different route yesterday and the results were markedly different.

Two students were arguing the same ole' nonsense:

"The Lakers are the besss!"

"No, they ain't! The My-Am-E Heat is the best!"

When I interjected, "Why would you be a fan of the best team — especially when they aren't home team? They can only disappoint. Actually, they're incapable of achieving anything. Their strength is their failure."

(Blank "what-the-hell-is-he-going-on-about-now" faces)

"You see, if they're expected to win — because they are actually superior to their opponents — all they can do is meet, not exceed, what is expected of them. They can only disappoint. Does that make sense?

(Crickets. And then, from a kid who wasn't involved in the initial "debate") "So, you sayin' we should root for a team that ain't shit?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying. The only sports win that feels good is a win that wasn't supposed to happen."( Note: most of the kids loathe the Seattle teams because they "suck". Which is true. Bad at football. Bad at baseball. Basketball team moved to the heartland and are now quite good... The Sounders aren't bad, but my kids don't do soccer.)

Then I relayed, in full detail, my best sports story: The Night the Baltimore Ravens Won the SuperBowl (I also made nice with a girl who had been tightening my pants for years — most of the details were from this portion of the evening).

Short version: I'm attending a Baltimore high school. Watched the BIG GAME with my clique. The Ravens win in a landslide. Due to the lack of "will they pull it out!?" tension, I had plenty of time to consider the unavoidable victory. It occurred to me (probably the most profound thought of my life) that winning a game meant the winner was either the best or the most fortunate... which isn't much for a spectator to celebrate. My posture towards sports fandom changed.

My argument got panned. Their laughter was spirited. Clearly, it was I that spoke of nonsense. This got me thinking: the kids — as amazing as this is — still think they're on the way to the top. Therefore, associating themselves with the powerful, successful, dominant members of the most important sphere of their social lives (sports and games) is quite rational. Rooting for the underdog, I suppose, is to associate yourself with the unfavored, which in their eyes is unfavorable. While I'm resigned to rooting against the powerful, the kids think they're on their way ("think" probably isn't the right word — more a combination of blind hope and slightly irrational self-confidence... what's the word for that? Delusional?). I suppose this is the same impulse that causes people to say things like: "I'm happy with my bank." or for ambitious young employees to crow: "Sure, I'll work on Saturday."

This is demonstrated — I'm not making this up — by "CEO and Secretary Day" which took its beautiful shape a few days ago. Here's how it worked: The participating males dress-up (wear a suit) like a CEO. Everyone is the boss! Everyone can make and break the little guy! Yip-pee! The participating girls had an excuse to pull their clevage out and skirts up a little farther than normal decorum demands — "I'm a secretary!" The kids had a lot of fun. Favorite thing I overheard that day: "Suck my dick or you're fired!" The kids are so worldly.