I need a billion new ideas, on my desk, by tomorrow

On cheating:

“It’s not that students can’t do the work. They just see it as a way of saving time.”

                                                             — Ancient Chinese proverb

This proverb is off by about 45 degrees, allow me to move it.

It is precisely that the students can't do the work. They (the cheaters) are mentally, emotionally, physically, whateverly incapable of sitting down and doing something that is — by their measure — bullshit. Why jump over the wall when you can pay someone to put you in a wheelbarrow and roll your fat ass around it... you end up in the same place, eh?

Today's We seeks a tangible reward. I can't call my friends over to flaunt the virtue and integrity I just bought online (free shipping!).

So, what to do? The answer seems clear:

First: Start offering "Integrity" as a college "major". Not just in China — we don't want them to win the integrity race — we'll do it here too.

Second: Create sinecure "jobs" for everyone who completes the program (the government will subsidize the salary and "work" space.)

Third: Sit back and watch as "nonchalant cheating" becomes a thing of the past. Moving forward, we'll cheat with a passion.

Problem solved. You're welcome.