If we look at the world long enough, we may find that everything is not the way we want it to be. As a result, many of us don't look.Boyd — a man who sorts things out — closes with sound guidance (please read it). I, on the other hand, will visit with my despair:
If we look in a comprehensive way, what can be seen is deeply troubling. Many of us arrive at the point of seeing particular problems with clarity, only to be left with the task of communicating their relevance to others.
At this point most of us experience real frustration. This can play itself out as anger, at the world and at each other; but because anger is a difficult emotion to sustain, it often leads to apathy: it becomes too painful to try, and we withdraw from our attempts to do so.
They steal impulsively to gain status symbols and tradeable goods ("I was trying to steal this Asian girl's ipod touch all morning" The unlucky thief was sitting next to me — I'm touched that they can be themselves in our classroom) "Cheat and steal your way to the top"... this is understood.
They fight for any and all reasons. I get it.
They are painfully cruel. Of course they are.
They have learned where they belong: right where they are. They have learned what they are: low class, low quality.
So — as anyone who doesn't like the view is apt to do — they dream. I watch as they gawk and gaze at celebrity images — what else would they privilege? Where else would they aspire?
One of my classes is reading A Raisin in the Sun — they think it's stupid... my "I understand and don't blame you" mentality strains.
This all makes me weep.
I want to refrain from commenting, but this is a very good post.
ReplyDeleteI think your advantage is that you empathize, but your disadvantage -- if I have read you correctly to be an instructor -- is being in a position of authority vis-a-vis kids these days.
Kids are resistant to this for very good reasons, so you have to find some way around this obstacle to really grab them. Only you know what you have up your sleeve to accomplish this, but I think moving deeper into empathy can reveal new angles.
I like to think I've got it all wrong, so be sure to say so!
I don't think you have it all wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe frustration that I was strumming: how to "teach" over 100 kids, many of whom are thoroughly unlikable — so much that being around them depresses me. The post was trying to say: "look, I'm not blaming them for being shitty to each other, but their shittiness remains, and it's wearing me thin."
By not enforcing a lot of silly school rules, I'm already the "cool" teacher — a clear oxymoron. My refusal to use my authority diminishes my authority... which I like, it keeps us on slightly more equal footing.
I don't laud the students I like or criticize the ones I don't (that last statement can't possibly be true, but it's something I strive for). Yet, the fact remains: many of these kids — 16, 17 years old — are thoroughly uncool (think violent muggers, vicious liars).
My goals are not exactly academic, I'm not preparing them for jobs. I strive to show the kids ways to have fun, ways to enjoy life, even when things don't work out (which, based on their altogether delusional "un-dreams" — to be rich and famous — is the situation they'll continue to find themselves in).
So, I was really just whining about feeling like there is nothing to grab, and nothing up my sleeve — because I'm trying to do something that is ridiculous, narcissistically ambitious.