You Will Never Die

I know this is meant to be sincere, but I thought it was some pretty goddamned funny gallows humor. I'm heading to the New York Times to do something more embarrassing than simply reading the New York Times, and I see an undeniable opine called: The Best Part About Global Warming.

By this shitbirds logic: warmer weather means less influenza. Got me thinking, if the sun went away, there wouldn't be so much skin cancer... not bad, eh? Here's the line before the curtain falls on this gem of denial:

Still, when one considers those who are most likely to die from influenza, often with shocking swiftness — children, the elderly, cancer and H.I.V. patients, pregnant women — the weather this winter comes to seem like a very cheerful development indeed. Even the loss of a season’s sledding, you might say, is a small price to pay.

Shocking swiftness! Hear me out on this one, shitbirds: there are 7 billion humans on this planet. And last year-ish, 2010, the global population grew by 1.1%. Through the wonders of simple math, if that 1.1% were to hold steady — neither rising or falling, there would be 14 billion people on the planet in 63 years, or 2075. We all seem to "get" that 14 billion isn't happening, so growth will collapse, meaning death will reign supreme... and yet... the best thing about global warming

But at least people with cancer aren't going to die from the flu. New York City will cease to be a home for millions of people, as they'll all be dead or fleeing... but fuck if I hate the idea of being stuck in bed battling a sickness that is related to temperature.

This fuck actually wrote: giving up sledding isn't so bad because people with HIV won't die from the flu quite so much. People with HIV... won't die... from the flu... quite so much.