Monogamy — for us, always-ready-for-sum'-bumpin', human kinds — fits very well, nice and tidy, with a society that "owns" every single thing.
We put da flag on da Moon... of course we want to own access to sex. This is all obvious, right?
I read the Sex at Dawn book today. Yes, it's pop-sci. Smart folk will hate it (assuming, since it's a book, that they — and only they — are the intended audience, adorable smart folk will write squawking reviews: "I already knew all of this!! Not groundbreaking!")
Anyway, the book is a light read. For someone who feels terrible about craving a cock or puss that isn't attached to their loved one, this book might make them feel a little better — which is good, but not terribly helpful for the rest of us.
As many angry science lovers will point out, we don't know anything too good about pre-history peeps, we have to look elsewhere to get the educated part of our guesses. So, naturally, we look to hunter gather types and fellow apes.
Here's the lesson:
People who share — who don't own — are generally pretty cool. The vast majority of uncool behavior stems from laying claim to things. Bonobos seem awesome. They're not individual property owners (I'm basing this on the 4 years I spent in Congo living amongst them).
Our western societies are frightfully big, diverse, whatever. Our happiness is not exactly tied to other people, just our people — and that ain't many. I watch cops wake up homeless people and force them to move.
Let's — all together now — use sex as a tool to comfort, form bonds, and enjoy. Just be generous and take care of each other. So, when your longtime co-worker is having a bad day, do the right thing: take a knee, ascertain approval, get your face situated between their legs, and Go. To. Town. Wouldn't that be nice? We all start Monday. Don't leave me hanging on this one, I'll have a lot of explainin' to do.
a man's home is his castle, but, due to zoning laws, i built the moat round the missus' vagina.
ReplyDeleteI've most often encountered this line of thinking from ambitious young lads trying to lead me astray from monogamous relationships. I'm always annoyed at the ulterior motive driving the argument, but then won over by the eventual invitation to go make out.
ReplyDeleteSame thing here: I read the first part thinking: I've heard this before. It's tired. The heavy theory behind the free love evangelism just kills my sex drive.
But then I get to your last paragraph - the invitation - and I'm charmed. It certainly would be nice. Too bad I missed it.
I've read you before. I liked it. You don't write that blog anymore — as it must be, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteAs, no doubt, your hope-to-be paramours have also assured you: I only ask we lean away from owning, towards sharing.
Now, to chase clarity: I am not prescribing free love — if that is meant to be, "sex with anyone who will have you, whenever the mood strikes you... so, just short of always". That doesn't tighten my pants. Sex is best with a friend, someone you enjoy.
I'm just hopeful that more human types will accept that monogamy is not essentially what makes their relationship work/legit/happy. And, I think, a lot of pretty damn good relationships are severed under monogamy's perverse altar.
But, we want it all to ourselves... so we're told.